Namesake Week 5 Day 2 - Change

Today's Scripture: Matthew 16: 13-20 and 16:21-23, Isaiah 55:8-9, Romans 12:1-2 and 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

Blogging is essentially an online digital journal, typing or physically writing out our successes and struggles can bring solutions to light. I don't need to go back and read my oldest posts to know that I deal with the same struggles and temptations today as years ago, three steps forward and sometimes 10 back. (The same thing I deal with medically).

Life is all about ups and downs. Everyone deals with it, even Peter. I'm sure he was struggling with leaving his whole life behind to follow Jesus, that his life was shaken when Jesus changed his name and he would be the "foundation" of Jesus' church. His journal would also speak of his willingness and resistance to change - a spiritual yo-yo. When we read the gospels of Peter (and Simon Peter) we will see Peter is at his highest followed by his deepest lows.

In Matthew 16:21 we read about how Jesus told the disciples of the tests He would soon have to go through and how these tests will be necessary to prove God's love and power. Peter loved Jesus so much that when he heard this he asked Jesus if there was any way he would not sacrifice himself and instead lead His people. Jesus called Peter "Satan" (in Hebrew Satan means to obstruct or oppose). When Peter voiced his concern and questioned God's plan through Jesus he was obstructing Jesus' path. He went from the high of being renamed and being the rock to the low of Jesus telling him he was like Satan.

Most of us, especially in today's world we don't like to wait. We want to change and do it immediately, but God normally works through us to change that can take a lifetime. When we give our lives over to God we have to remember that just with most things in life "it takes work". We cannot expect that once we reach out to God we won't struggle or temptations will instantly fade away. "Even as we walk with God we will sometimes fall down" Jessica LaGrone. We have to remember that the process is just as important as the end result. And thank God for his patience, grace and love!

In the Act on it section I made a graph of my journey with God.

Namesake Week 5 Day 1: From Mess to Ministry

Today's Scripture: Matthew 16:13-18, Matthew 10:2-4, Mark 3:16-19, Luke 6:13-16, Acts 1:13-14

I have shared that I was raised in a Christian home, but after I became pregnant with my oldest that I turned away from my faith. The year before a found my faith again my best friend was always trying to get me to go to bible study with her, I declined every time. I felt that I didn't know enough, my biblical knowledge was nil. I didn't want to go into a room with other women and show how little I knew about the bible, to be judged by others on how little I knew. When I stopped ignoring God speaking to my heart and really listened the first thing I did was go out and find a bible study. I picked up What Happens When Women Say Yes to God by Lisa Terkeurst and it really helped me start to rebuild my relationship with God. I was and still am extremely imperfect, the same is true when we meet Simon Peter in Matthew 16. Simon Peter was kind of a mess, why would Jesus chose him as a follower and a leader? When Jesus asked the disciples what they knew of Him, Simon Peter didn't think if his answer was right or wrong. Simon Peter simply answered what he felt in his heart to be true. Jesus doesn't care if we have extensive biblical knowledge He only cares about what we believe in our hearts, and if we chose Him.

This chapter asks "Who do you say that I am?" My answer - You are a great leader and teacher. You are like a stone dropped into water that has created thousands of ripples that will be made for hundreds of years. You are my savior, my father, my friend and example.

Simon was completely open, honest and personal in his response, he acknowledged that Jesus was the one person that was making changes in his life and changing the whole world. Jesus changed Simon's name to Peter, the rock. Jesus build the church's foundation on the rock, on Simon Peter. Jesus knew that Simon Peter was a work in progress, but I think He chose a person that he could change and help grow into the position He needed him to be. "...he was great building material, not a finished product." (speaking of Simon Peter). Jesus' pull to us has everything to do with loving us as we are, not loving the person that we have build ourselves to be. He can change us break us down and build us up for the better.

My favorite quote from this chapter reads,

Namesake Week 2 Day 3: More Than Enough

Today's Scripture: Genesis 27:1-13, Genesis 27:14-17, Genesis 27:18-40, and Philippians 4:11-13

I will be okay when ________ happens. I think I say this all the time, do you find yourself saying something along those lines? Or do you look at others and wonder why God has provided them their hearts desire and mine is unfulfilled?

Complete this sentence: I'll be happy when ___________________________ (my answer: we move and get settled).

In Genesis 27 we read about how Jacob lived his life based on the motto of "I'll be happy when". Jacob's downfall was basing his life on what his brother had (things that we wanted, that he ended up taking). When Isaac had finally come to the end of life, he told Esau to go and hunt for wild game, to prepare a meal for him and he would give Esau his blessing (his birthright has the 1st son). Once Esau had left Rebekah had a plan to use Jacob and deceive Isaac into giving Jacob the blessing of the 1st son.

Rebekah had Jacob bring her two goats which cooked into a tasty meal, she dressed Jacob in Esau clothes and covered his smooth skin with the skin from the goats. She gave Jacob the meal and told him to take it to Isaac. Her scheme was to steal the birthright and blessing from her older son and have it given to the younger son Jacob.

And so Isaac gave the blessing to Jacob. Esau soon returned and also cooked a meal for Isaac and when he brought it in to him was told that the blessing had already been given wrongfully to Jacob. Esau was saddened and in deep despair. Esau begged his father Isaac for a blessing, there must be some blessing that Isaac could bestow on Esau? But no he said the blessing will stand as it was given.

The lesson that can be learned from Jacob is our discontentment with what we have can damage the relationships with those around us. It can also damage our relationship with God. If we spend our lives wishing for what others have we can't see the life that God intended for us. Jacob wanted what his brother had, so not only did he do everything in his power to get it, but he basically told God I'm not happy with the life you have given me, I want to switch with my brother.

In 1 Timothy 6:6-10 it says that being content brings godliness and happiness, "let us be content with what we have" and praise God for our many blessings. Being discontent may lead us into temptation, to become trapped by foolishness and end up in sorrow.  We as humans will always want more, but its important to thank God for the blessing we receive and to always work to find contentment in our lives.

"Knowing the love of our heavenly Father means 

knowing there will be more than enough to go around" 

- Jessica LaGrone 

Namesake - Week 2: What name is Given This Child? Part 2 of 2

Today's Scripture: Exodus 2:1-10

Yesterday we talked a little bit about how a person's name can become their identity, good or bad. Our names have all kinds of meaning or represent characteristics our parents thought we would have. Jacob's name had a double meaning 1 positive and 1 negative. As Jacob grew he made the decision to fulfill the more negative traits of his name story.

Today we read Exodus 2:1-10 which is the story of Moses. Moses' name also ends up having a double meaning. When Moses was born his mother put him in a bed of reeds where the pharaohs daughter found him. He was nursed and brought up his biological mother and then adopted by the pharaohs daughter. She named him Moses for "I lifted him out of the water". Later in Exodus 3:10 the Lord comes to Moses and says "You must lead my people of Israel out of Egypt." So Moses lifted the people out of Egypt, and right then the second meaning of Moses' name comes to light. 

Lets look at our names now. I have many names Babe, mom, mommy, Lins, honey. When I was little my dad called me his "little angel". All of these names are positive and make me feel happy, loved, protected, etc. But there are also names that I have been called that aren't so warm and fuzzy. Immature, hateful, fat, always in a hurry, hot head, etc. How do we deal with this battle of positive and negative? Not to mention that especially as parents we too are responsible for naming others, people we love, family, children, spouse, and our friends. We speak names over all of them. 

I believe that when women are pregnant (and this applies to the dad as well) we speak to God our dreams and fears for our child. There is a conversation that happens between the parents and God and during that conversation our names are spoken and God approves, and so God does chose our name. Sometimes this is one all in our heart, we wake up one morning and say "I am going to name our baby ________." There are other times like with Jacob when the name just pops up and is attached to the baby for better or worse.

Our challenge and this might be daily for most of us, I know that many times during the day I deal with naming myself negative and positive names. We have to sort out these names, identify and remove the names that don't fit God's vision for us. We need to hold on to the greatness of our name which came from God. 

The negative names don't have to stick and define who we are, but we have to work on removing and replacing these names. The only names that should matter are the ones that represent God's dream for us, that will mold us into the person that God wants us to be.

Additional reading, God's names for us His people: Judges 6:12, Isaiah 41:9-10, Ephesians 2:10, 1 Corinthians 3:16-17, and 1 Peter 2:9

"No name is permanent if God wants to change it. 

God always has the power to start us over on a better-named path, showering us with His grace." -Jessica LaGrone, Namesake

Namesake Week 1 Day 5: Revelation, Call on the Name of God

Today's Scripture: Genesis 11:1-8 and Genesis 12:1-9

As mentioned in the introduction to this study the first 4 days of the weeks study is related to transformation, learning about changes that God made in the lives of others. The last day of each week is about revelation, exploring the unchanging identity and character of God. 

"True change is found in discovering who God is, how God reveals Himself and His love to us, and how it makes a difference in our own lives."

Can you imagine what is would be like is we tried to become more like God if he never revealed His character to us. We would be like a dog trying to catch him own tail, going around and around trying to catch ourselves. 

Here are some of the characteristics of God listed in the Bible

A strong fortress, a place to find love and safety

Glory

Majesty

Unfailing, never ending righteousness

Giver of Life to all who believe

Scripture relating to God's nature: Proverbs 18:10, Psalm 1113:1-3, and John 20:31

Many people make a list of the priorities in their lives, most go something like family, job, house, etc, etc. But for Christians its important for God to be at the top of the list, put first, and made top priority. He has to be the center of our universe, not ourselves. Jessica LaGrone points something out about the story of The Tower of Babel (Genesis Chapter 11) that I never really noticed. The people came together to build this tower so that "their" name would be known. By putting themselves before God, and putting themselves in God's rightful place they start a drastic downward spiral. 

Genesis Chapter 11 - Moral Bankruptcy - Bankruptcy Chapter 11 =

bank·rupt·cy, Noun - The state of being completely lacking in a particular quality or value. Failure, depleted, empty.

If the people had called out to God and asked for Him to reveal his plan and purpose for them they could have been mighty leaders and known for that, instead of causing total chaos and crashing down (bankruptcy) of the tower. 

This really stuck with me: "the characteristics at the heart of God are central to the future they (we) are now seeking."

When we call out to God for help, guidance, or support we need to not be calling God to us to do something, or do things our way. We need to call out to God, with all His Love, Power, and Mercy, in Praise of Him to please for Him act in His will on this situation. More times than not, God will make changes in us (changes to our heart, our character to be more like Him) that will in the end bring about the change that we are asking for. God works in mysterious ways.

Psalm 86:5 and Romans 10:13

Instructions from God on how to pray and call out His name can be found in Matthew 6

Namesake Week 1 Day 4: Waiting On God

Today's scripture Genesis 18:15, Genesis 8:6-12, 1 Samuel 1:1-22 and Luke 2:25-35

Additional reading about waiting Psalm 27:14, Psalm 130:5-7 and Isaiah 40:31

In this chapter Jessica talks about her trials to conceive a child, all the doctor appointments, tests, and waiting. I can completely understand it has been three long years of trying to get a diagnosis and treatment for my lower back pain and come to find out just this year that I also have MS (Multiple Sclerosis). That phrase "Hurry up and wait" is exactly how things have gone these few years and it has been one of the most trying times in my life. Just like Abraham and Sarah I have spent countless hours of worry, waiting, hoping, praying and praying some more.

Letting God be in control and trusting him can be the hardest thing we have to do sometimes. God's promise of "I Will" (from chapter 3) means that God is responsible and He has our lives in His hands, and not in our own. Learning how to wait well is a really important skill because we will always be waiting on or for something. Waiting on the blessings can sometimes be a blessing in disguise because we have to rely on God more than ever.

Have thin own way, Lord! Have thine own way!

Thou art the potter, I am the clay.

Mold me and make me after they will,

while I am waiting, yielding and still.

                                           -Adelaide A Pollard

I am a control freak often times, I try to think of and plan for everything. I worry, over analyse, and try to plan out my own future. All of this OCD craziness ends of making me stressed and in the end disappointed. Waiting strips us of the illusion that we are the ones who make things happen and it forces us to acknowledge that God is the one in control. We know that God has dreams and has made us promises, but he never delivers a timeline. We must learn to trust in God's plan of "I Will" and simply wait. We have to release control to God. In the last week of this home buying situation I prayed and gave all the stress and worry over to God. 

God, I give it all up to you. I know this is not in my control. If its your will that my family and I get this house then please let it be. Please Lord take away our stress and worry. Help us find comfort in the fact that you have your hands in this and be satisfied with the results. I know that if its not in your will you will help us find our way. Amen

If we hope and search for God He will listen, answer and turn to us. He will not leave us alone for He hears our cries the most when we truly need His help. All of the waiting in the past three years has molded me. Its made me appreciate and be more thankful for what I have. It has made my relationships with everyone stronger and richer, and although I'm still learning - it has been me understand that I have to slow down. 

I have made a promise over the next few weeks that when I am in a situation of waiting that I will put down my phone, turn off the TV, or whatever else is a distraction and look around. Listen, talk to people and fully be present in the waiting. I'm sure there is a message or lesson that can be found in the waiting, otherwise wouldn't God just make what I'm waiting for instantly happen?

Namesake Week 1 Day 3: Promises, Promises

Today's Scripture: Genesis 17:1-8, Genesis 17:6, 15-16, Galatians 3:26-29, and Romans 9:8

The following passages show God's Promises,

Numbers 23:19 - God doesn't lie, fail to act, or change his mind. He is not human and so he always carries through

Joshua 23:14 - Every promise God makes comes true.

John 14:1-2 - Trust in God for he will always make room for you.

2 Peter 3:9 - God is patient and wants / waits for everyone to repent and find Him.

Abraham and Sarah grew up in a polytheism (the belief in multiple gods) families. They had no experience with God and his promises. They were not used to a God who only wanted their love in return for the promises and fulfillment of a great life / future. God sought out and fulfilled every promise that He made to Abraham and Sarah without the need for sacrifices or manipulation. 

There are three promises that God makes to his people

1. People - God came to Abraham and Sarah and promised them not only a child that they so desperately wanted, but he also promised them a family as plentiful as the stars. He promised them "People" a family line. (Galatians 3:26-29)

2. Place - In Genesis 17 God promises "The whole land of Canaan, where you are now an alien, I will give as an everlasting possession to you and your descendants after you." In the days of the Bible a persons wealth was determined based on your offspring and the land you owned. By God promising Abraham and Sarah a nation and giving them a beautiful and fruitful land. He gave them a "Place".

3. Presence - God offered Abraham and Sarah and ALL OF US one of the greatest things he can - he offers us His presence. The greatest promise of all someone to walk beside us and guide us. A covenant to be our God forever and to be the God of our children and their children and on and on. "His commitment to walk with us as His children." Jessica LaGrone Namesake

Additional passages about God's presence 

Psalm 16:11, Psalm 41:12, and Acts 17:28

God's blessings in my life:

God has blessed me by providing people that bring me joy - My husband, my daughters, friends that come and one and my sister. These are the people besides my parents and in-laws that bring laughter and joy to my life.

God has blessed me by providing places that I treasure - The ocean, the mountains, my past homes and the beach houses where we have vacationed.

Namesake Week 1 Day 2: Small Changes, Big Impact

Today's Scripture: Genesis 17:1-5, 15-22, Genesis 17:4-6, Genesis 17:15-16, And Galatians 5:22-23

The message in today's study is that sometimes we wait for God to make huge changes that we will change our whole life's, but often the biggest changes come from the tiniest of adjustments. When God changed Abrams and Sarai names He only changes them both by one letter, the Hebrew letter "Hey" (H) Abram became Abraham and Sarai became Sarah. God changed the whole course of their lives just by giving them both a letter H.

When God changed Abraham and Sarah's names and told them of the child they were to have, God painted a clear picture of what the future was going to look like. As with many things in our lives we sometimes only have sight for the big changes, but we shouldn't underestimate the value of small changes.

 "God works powerfully, but for the most part gently and gradually." John Newton

The story of Nicodemus is a great example of the changes that God can make in our lives. The story of how Nicodemus can be found in John 3 and John 19. "Nicodemus' faith developed in a way that many Christians can relate to. I know that when I decided to recommit to God and my faith in 2010 that these steps are exactly how I felt.

1. We become curious about Jesus but hesitant to do anything about it.
2. We watch other believers wondering what makes them so different
3. We decide that we want to get to know the Lord so we start reading His word - getting to know Him through the Bible and prayer
4. We hide our faith from others for fear of being judged
5. Then we go public - we make sure that everyone know we are Christians and we believe in God and Jesus Christ

"Public faith affects the way we treat others, the way we handle anger or disappointment and the way we choose to sacrifice for the good of others - showing the characteristics of Christ in our lives." - Jessica LaGrone, Namesake

The characteristics of someone transformed by God are often called the Fruit of the Spirit. There are 9 traits that grow as we live our lives surrendered to God.

1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-Control

Here is one of the questions asked in this series. What are some of the way that you've experienced over the years with God's help? How are you different now than 5 / 10 years ago?

Answer -

I value my marriage, my husband, and my family sooo much more! I know I need to put time into all my relationships and I have grown my relationship with God 10x's from 5 even 10 years ago. I have decided to make all of these relationships my priority. In the past I put work, friends, and material possessions before my family, marriage, children, and God. I am happy in my life, I am joyous and I'm working on growing the 9 traits of the fruit of the spirit, I am also always working on being a better mother, wife, and growing closer to God.

Namesake Week 1 Day 1: What's in a Name?

Today's scripture Genesis 12:1-4, Genesis 29:31-35, 30:1-12

Our names are not given as much thought these days as back when the Bible was written. Our names are given to us for many reasons, to tell a story, description of inner character, or to carry on a family name or tradition. But back when the Bible was written parents would invest a significant amount of time choosing just the right name, a name for their child to grow into, a dream to be fulfilled.

Here are the names of Abraham and Sarah's great-grandchildren and some words that came to my mind after reading the reasons for their names.

Reuben - Love shared between a husband and wife

Simeon - The loving bond shared between a mother and son

Levi - A son for a father to love

Judah - Praise to God for the last son

Dan - Vindication 

Naphtali - Struggles towards a win

Gad - Fortunate

Asher - Joy and celebration

Isaiah 43:1 "But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O israel, the one who formed you says, Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by names, you are mine."

I love this verse! The Lord created us, formed us, and ransomed us. He named us out of love and we're His.

I have always thought of God is a fatherly way, my father and teacher. It truly makes me happy to have such a close relationship with God, to be his child.

Act on It:

I never really have thought much about my name or why my parents chose the name they did. So I called my mom this afternoon and asked her. "Well....." I heard the name Lindsy somewhere, someone said it and I liked it. It was unique and wasn't very common at the time." I looked up the definition of my name after I got off the phone with my mom.  

Lindsy - Island of Linden Trees. Near the Island of Linden Trees. ( The linden tree is a large long lived tree that is also know as the lime tree for its sent.)

My middle name Marie - Loyal

I guess the name fits me better than I thought. I love water and all the colors of water. I consider myself to be a loyal person, hopefully those around me feel the same way.

What does your name and the names of your family members mean? It might give you a better idea of who you are, or rather who your parents dreamed that you might become. Who God is calling us to become.


The first step in the transformation to becoming Jesus' namesake is to trust in the Lord for he has a plan for us. Jeremiah 29:11 and Ephesians 3:20 are great examples of this plan. 

An Introduction to Namesake by Jessica LaGrone

I just received my copy of Namesake in the mail last week and I will be sharing my journey through this book with you, I hope you can follow along.

Namesake is a bible study aimed at helping us see God's dreams for us and helping us to make them a reality. Throughout this book we will read about the stories of Abraham and Sarah, Jacob, Naomi,, Daniel, Peter, and an unnamed women.

Each chapter of this book has two main themes, transformation and revelation.

Transformation - A true and remarkable change. God is a wonderful creator and so when things he has created (mainly Us) goes astray he gets down in the mess and does everything He can to transform the situation, and make it new. (Revelations 21:5)

Revelation - To have revealed something. God makes revelations throughout the entire Bible by showing himself and His character.

"When we know who He is, our understanding of who we are and what we are about shifts dramatically...to show us (reveal) who we are and change us into whom we are called to be." -Namesake

This study looks at the question "Who is God?" and "Who is God calling me to become?"

Each chapter there are five readings in the following segments:

Read God's Word

Reflect and Respond

Pray About It

Act on It

I hope that all of you can join along and get this book, it really is a wonderful read. The study can be done individually but is structured for as a group devotional study.

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 10

10. Let's Walk Together

We moms need to stick together. We cannot go through life alone, we need each other. God's whole design for us is that we join together and walk through life with others and not alone.

Many of us, I hope all of us have at least that one person, a best friend that they can call and talk to or visit with regularly. But we all have seasons in life where we will be alone. Whether it be life, or kids, or illness, or a move. I pray these seasons are short, and that we remember God is still there. In times like these God is more than likely molding you and working behind the scenes on our hearts, changing us in ways we will not release until we are on the other side. God has a plan for our hearts and we need to stop, smile, and remember all that He has & will provide for us. 

If you are in one of those lonely places - pray for a friends ask God to bring a friend into your life. Ask for bravery to step out of your comfort zone and meet other moms.

Important Note: Friends don't complete your life, only God can complete your life and make it whole. Friends are there to compliment you and add laughter o your life.

We need to come together as women, wife's and moms. Join hands and walk a lifetime together. Encourage, enrich, and inspire one another!

From my Journal,

I have shared before that after I had my youngest Cloe (who is now 3.5) that I was alone. None of my friends at the time had small children. After the 1st couple weeks no one wanted to slow down and spend time with a newborn. I felt ditched and excluded. Shortly after my little turned 1 I lost all my friends and was truly alone. For months I cried and felt betrayed and angry. But I kept busy and turned to God. I started attending church reading the word. He repaired alot of brokenness inside me, molded me and put my priorities back in the correct order. I AM BETTER BECAUSE OF THAT LONELY TIME.

The whole purpose of my blog is to share my life and my stories to with women, wife's, and mothers who are like me. To try to create a place where others can share their stories too, where they will be hugged and supported, NOT judged.  

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them." Matthew 18:20

I forgot, I am going to start reading Namesake by Jessica LaGrone on Monday the 28th. I think this is going to be a really good one. If you want to read along make sure to pick this one up and the companion book Six Keys to a Transformed Life.

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 9

9. When the World Presses In

I am not going to go very in depth on this chapter, since deep hurt and loss have not hit my life yet. I have had people close to me die, but I have not had anyone in my immediate family pass. I give my sincere condolences to those have.

During the hardest of times please remember that God does walk away from us we walk away from God, but all we have to do is turn around and He will be there waiting.

Her are some tips for preparing for and getting through when the world presses in on you.

1. Build your foundation now 

-Build your life on the rock and on the word of God. 

-Don't wait for tomorrow to give your life to God, build an intimate relationship with God.

-Build, Build, Build

-Find a church and surround yourself with people that have a strong relationship with God. 

-Find time everyday to pray and read the word

-Say "Yes" to God, commit to obey His word.

2. Try hard not to walk through life alone

-Meet your neighbors

-Join one of the groups at your church

-Stay close to your family

-Invest in relationships with others outside your household

3. Keep talking to God

-Tell God how you feel

-God is big enough to handle all our feelings, so let him have it all

4. Refuse to let go of hope

"There is life beyond the tragedy It's hard to see that or accept it when you're tight in the middle." - Tracey Hope for the Weary Mom

Tomorrow is the last chapter of this study so make sure to check in tomorrow for that and info on what I'm reading next.

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 8

8. When You Want to Give Up

Mothering requires all of a woman. From the time you conceive you have to give your body, soul, mind and heart to your kids. Its a great thing that women-child bond, but it can sometimes seem like a curse.

When we have given it all and are then pushed, pulled, and tugged plus our coaxing, begging, and praying - and then nothing changes. We are often left empty, worn out and exhausted.

Wanting to give up

During times like these we can enter into a season of faltering faith. We don't want to hear God's voice. God might be answering your prayers by changing your heart not your circumstance. Sometimes God is outside the mess, but speaks to the mess before he sits down next to us in our mess.

A great story about being exhausted and God asking for a little more is Peter and the fishing nets - cast out your nests. Luke 5:1-9

(questions 1 of the chapter questions) Trying one more time is kind of what parenting is all about. Not giving up on our kids, but trying again through all the pain, anger, and frustration. My husband has always told me to try again tomorrow, it doesn't have to be completed today. And its true - potty training is not done in one day there are very little thing that we teach our children that can be taught in one day. "Holding out that flicker of hope, enough to propel your feet forward one more stop of faith, matters to God." - Hope for the weary Mom

God provides our salvation, we can't earn it and there's nothing we can do to earn our kids salvation. 

From my journal,

I have to remember that it's God plan and even with all my obedience and prayer that following God doesn't bring instant change for me and my family.

"Salvation doesn't come by the work of our hands."

This is really hard for me because my husband and oldest daughter are not very religious and are not strong believers. I pray almost every day for God to speak to their hearts so that they will be able to enjoy faith like I do. So that we can be a closer family in our common faith. "Because God created our hearts He knows the best way to reach them." - Hope for the Weary Mom

4. I proclaim to the world and to God that I will NEVER give up on my family and my girls. I know that God will reach the hearts of my family when the time is right. 

God - 

When I become weary and have nothing left. 

Please remind me that I have the strength to go on and not give up. 

- Amen

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 7

7. Coming to the End of Yourself

How do I fight with all I have to love deeper, stronger, longer, and harder? Especially when I'm weary and have little left?

Am I on the right path? And leading my girls and husband down the right path?

These are questions I ask myself all the time, are you asking yourself similar questions?

Today I woke up in so much pain, from my back. I am always slow in the morning, I call it my granny time. I took my meds and got no relief. Its frustrating and makes me mad that I have these limitations. That when I have ten million things to do I am unable to do any of them.

Just like this chapter says I'm trudging and overwhelmed with the never-ending exhausting tasks of being a wife and mother, but then I also have the MS, injections, doctor appointments, and chronic back pain. My youngest has had a ear infection every month since April so she too has meds and follow up appointment, I see tubes in her ears in the near future. 

TIRED...that's how I feel all the time! I guess I'm coming to the end of myself and I'm having to face my sins and shortcomings.

It's important that we set aside come quiet time with God to admit our sins and shortcomings. To go to the alter, where we can empty our hearts mess out to God, where He can meet us and bless us with grace and joy. When we do this it invites the Lord to speak to us, show his unconditional love, support and He will always welcome us into his arms.

"Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus"

Worship is the greatest way to refuel.

"The joy dwelling place is found in the Lord."

From my journal,

Page 85 really spoke to me

"See the thing about worship is that it acknowledges in the very deepest part of our souls that we need Him. We can't take this journey on our own. We need the very presence of the Lord to strengthen and guide us. We need Him every hour...He wants to whisper into your heart that He loves you and will never let you go."

3. You can find an alter to kneel upon anywhere and at anytime. Make sure to make an appointment with God to kneel and meet Him.

4. Places I have met God (knelt at the alter):

Standing all alone in my living room

When I'm out on a motorcycle ride with my husband, I always feel free and joyous in times like these and pray prayers of thankfulness

In bed at time right before I fall asleep

In the car

5. My goal is to create a space in my home that is all mine where I can have a desk. A place I can sit in quiet conversation with God, and the space to do my devotions and blog work.

  

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 6

Chapter 6. When The Gentle Words Won't Come

"For whatever is in your heart determines what you say." - Matthew 12:34

I have talked about this before, that in times of high stress or when I'm struggling with something I do not have gentle words. I want to be gentle, but then I feel like my daughters and others will see me as a push over or that no one hears me. I often feel that I have to be curt and sometimes straight to the point or others will not believe that I'm saying or that I don't know what I'm talking about. 

Especially with my oldest I want her to have that faith in me, believing everything I say, like when she was little. When girls are young they look up to their mothers and have trust that everything they say is true and honest. No all my daughter does is question what I say and go out of her way to proof me wrong. I don't want this frustrated feeling that I have towards me daughter, I want to show her kindness, love, and give her my gentle words. I feel like I am failing my daughters, I feel like a failure as a mother and a wife.

The issues that I have with my oldest daughter stem from the fact that we close in age and are really alot alike. She has a wall built around her - she's prickly and I try to talk to her and be gentle, but then she makes fun of me. I'm at a loss - how do I fix this? I don't know what to do!

"We live through seasons of constant failure." - Hope for the Weary Mom

I want more control over what comes out of my mouth.

NO MORE HARSHNESS

NO MORE YELLING

NO MORE HURTFUL WORDS

There are several ways shared in the book that we can relax, find rest, and look for gentle beauty in the world. I liked the idea of taking beautiful pictures. Getting down close to small beautiful things, and sharing taking pictures with my girls. Go on a walk and take pictures of seemingly simple things that we can look at later and remember the moment it was taken.

One of the exercises that I chose to do was to make a list of things that I love about each of my girls.

Shay                                                                             Cloe

Her creativity                                                                Loving Nature

1st born                                                                        Inquisitiveness

Smart                                                                           Smart

Loves books, like I do                                                  Manners

Her beauty                                                                   Her Excitement

Free spirit                                                                     Her voice

Leader                                                                         Old Soul

Her drawings                                                                Our conversations

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 5

5. When you want to run and hide

There have been many days as a mother I have wanted to just hide, when the frustrations of the day seem to much and you just cant take any more. My oldest has really been pushing my husband and I to our breaking point lately. Rebelling against all our rules and beliefs coupled with her nasty attitude, make me want to either bang my head against the wall or simply stay hiding under me covers. My youngest is like nothing I have ever met in a 3.5 year old girl, she is more similar to a 3.5 year old boy. So much energy, she doesn't even know what to do with it all. I think she sucks it out of me!

God will often put us just where we wants us. Just like the story of Hagar - weary and worn God placed her where she would hear his voice. There is no place that we can hide from God, He knows our hearts and so knows all our hiding places. He looks intently for us, scans the world for us, to find us and show us His love and support. Its a secret game of hide and seek, one that God always wins.

Mary Magdalene and the burial of Jesus is another great example of God meeting us in our messiness. Mary went to prepare Jesus' body and there she fell broken in grief, She fell to her knees at the tomb. And it was then that Jesus spoke her name, met her in her mess. She clung to Jesus and believed in the miracle that running to him might create.

We need to cling to Jesus so that we too might have miracles performed in our lives. Hebrew 4:16 and the book of Esther are wonderful places to learn how we need to run to Him instead of running and hiding from Him.

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength." Isaiah 40:31

From my journal,

My favorite place to relax and get away for a little while is in my backyard. I lay out in the warm sun and daydream or read while Cloe plays in her little pool. Sometimes I just sit there and listen to her playing or laugh. Its peaceful!

Lately I go to the Lord in prayer more than I read my bible. I do love reading all the stories of advice and guidance, its comforting to know that its a place I can always turn to. And there is comfort in knowing that Jesus once lived a life filled with conflicts, frustrations, and discomfort just like my life. 

There is nothing I can't tell God for he has heard it all and knows the intentions of my heart.

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 2

2. Embracing Our Weakness

This chapter spoke straight to my heart and situation when we had our youngest. None of our friends had babies all their kids were 8 and over, so when I had Cloe I didn't have a girlfriend to talk to about being a new mom again (my girls are 10 years apart). I saw rather quickly how my friends didn't send me invitations hang at the lake go shopping. And I felt that my having a little one was a burden and I was alone. As she got older her energy level was through the roof and still is, a bit of a wild child. She was a toddler into everything within arms reach, even my best friend said she wasn't going to rearrange her house to accommodate a toddler that wasn't her own. Ouch right? So I started to withdraw BIG time, I didn't want to go anywhere because my house was all set up for your little one. Even now I still feel big time stress when going shopping or going to a new place with Cloe. This stress presents itself as embarrassment, anger, hateful feelings, and being really snappy and short with Cloe. 

This past Tuesday my husband and I plus Cloe and our real estate agent went and looked at 2 homes that are currently occupied. When we got home I was completely stressed to the max. I snapped and yelled at my little Cloe and my husband and it carried over into yesterday. I started an injectable medication for my MS and the stress of it all broke me. I felt alone! But this feeling is often a lie, a lie to keep us walled off from our loved ones and God. The key is to EMBRACE OUR WEAKNESS 

Brooke and Stacey write "It's OK to feel lost. It's OK to need help. It's OK to be weak."

2 Corinthians 12:9 & 10

" "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me." "For when I am, then I am strong" "

Its important to be honest about where you are in life, what your going through, who you are, and who you are not.

From my Journal,

Since my post above was rather long and I will share the answer to question  3 & 5.

3. Not being the mom I think I should be makes me feel sad, let down, frustrated, and incomplete. I want to be so much better, have more time, share, and talk more. My teenager makes me feel like I can never be what she needs. HELPLESSNESS

What are my weaknesses

1. Not enough patience (even my husband agreed with this one)

2. Quick to make a negative assessment

3. Jumping to conclusions

4. I get stressed out quickly and easily

5. I use harsh words and / or a harsh tone

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 1

1. Why God Meets Us in Our Mess

Sometimes as mom's we tend to internalize everything, our feelings, our thoughts, our fears, our shortcomings, all of it. We end up with a really messy heart, sometimes just like our homes. I tend to be super controlling and a little OCD, so when my home gets messy I feel completely stressed and overwhelmed. I feel the same way when my heart gets messy, dizzy with feelings of sadness, anger, and fear. This is not a good way to live let alone be a mom to the ever watchful eyes of impressionable littles. 

The good news is God will always come meet us in our mess. He welcomes us into his comforting and loving arms with whispers of HOPE, GRACE, and begins to change us from the inside out. Hebrews 13:9 says "Your strength comes from God's grace..."

God is super willing to join us in the middle of our messes, but God savors an invitation into this place. 

"Fill it (my heart) with Your presence and begin working on the inside who you want me to be on the outside." - Hope for the Weary Mom

From my journal -

1. As I grow older I feel more overwhelmed wit my messes (both physical and in my heart / mind), they seem to grow overnight and when I wake up in the morning I'm more overwhelmed and unsure of where to start.

2. I envy other moms who have it all together. The whole look and manage to be at every game and every birthday party. Their house are spotless and they manage to get the whole family to church on time.

3. I think the changes that God makes in our hearts lead to changes in our circumstance. Once the inside mess is cleaned up it frees us to be better and THRIVE. Like the Casting Crowns song says

"We know we were made for so much more than ordinary lives

Its time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive"

I will skip question / answer number four as it pertains to the book itself.

5. I have gotten pretty good, especially lately, at hiding how tired I am. Their are nights when I am exhausted, but I still tidy up the house before I go to bed, and then wake up early to do the laundry before the heat of the day hits. I think a mom doesn't have the luxury of hiding under the covers or falling apart. My hope is that God would throw his arms around me and comfort me - wash my tiredness and pain away.

Renew Me

A Whirlwind

The past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of medical information, trying to purchase a house, feeling like crap / being in pain, kids getting into trouble and kids getting sick. Today I am nearing my wits end...I am exhausted and just don't feel good. And I don't want to deal with house offers, missing meds, and my youngest' nasty cough.

I really want to climb in the bath and then crawl into bed and stay there for the next few days. But there is no possible way that I can do that, the bath ok maybe. But I'm a mom and a wife I have things to get done and my family to take care of, I can't just check out. Today I'm just praying for my daughter to feel better and not have her third double ear infection in two months, and for my oldest who is making really bad choices and getting into trouble to have a new beginning. It's funny how when I feel like throwing in the towel my prayers are always for others to get better or be better. Maybe I need to turn my prayer attention to myself...

God -

Please hold my hand and keep me in your comforting arms. Help through feeling bad and through the pain. Speak to my heart on buying a house. Help me to stay strong in body and spirit through dealing with RRMS. Thank you for keeping my family safe and for the many blessing we receive. Without your love and guidance we would be wondering in the dark.

Please help Shay away from the friends that are leading her astray. Help her make good choices and be the bright happy kid she should be. Please give her a crossroads and guide her down a path where she wont have regrets and heartache. Remind her of your love and that her family loves her, we only want great things for her.

Amen

MS Update

I feel really bad about not posting on a regular basis and not having a current devotion / study going. But with Dr. appointments and trying to do all the research I can on MS and medications, I just haven't had the time to sit with my bible and then with my blog.

I went to the Dr. on Tuesday and went with a long list of questions. My doctor was great he answered each question and explained everything. I have Relapsing and Remitting MS (RRMS) this is the best to have compared to Progressive MS. The thing that worries me the most is my doctor said that I have a well established case, meaning I have alot of lesions (also called plaques) which are areas of scare tissue. I have them from my brain down my spinal column to the T10 - T11 area (mid back).

"Treatment needs to be started NOW." thats what my doctor said. He is worried that if I don't start treatment it would be detrimental. And starting now will slow the disease and my symptoms....balance issues, memory / brain fog, tingling and burning from the waist down, itching, etc.

After talking about 8 different medications we decided that we would start with the medication that has the longest / best track record and has the least amount of side effects (this can differ greatly from patient to patient) Copaxone. It has to be injected 3 times a week and it is a pre-loaded pen similar to an Epipen. I wont start the injects for about 2 weeks, they have to be mailed to me and then a nurse has to come out and show me how to inject.

The thing I am worried about the most is the possible side effects, fatigue, nausea, body aches, and weight gain. I am a stay at home mom to a VERY active 3.5 year old daughter and with my limitations from my back injury (an impingement and herniation in my low back) I need to be at my best all the time. I need to go to the gym and do what I can do to stay in shape (ha in shape, well going to the gym and doing my limited workout so that I can try to keep losing weight and trying to get in shape). I don't want to be sick and stuck in bed, having to rely on my family and friends to take care of my kids and my house, etc.

I guess I have to take my husbands advise to stop worrying, we will deal with it as it comes. I have to remember to give it to God, stop trying to handle it all alone for He is the one who controls the situation. I pray each day that He will continue to hold my hand and keep me in his loving arms through this whole thing. God would not have put where I am if there was not a purpose!