Namesake Week 5 Day 4: Grace and Truth

Today's Scripture: John 8:10-11, and John 1-14


After Jesus stood up and and diffused the crowd by making the women's accusers look into their own hearts, He could have simply stopped there. But as the women stood before him waiting on a verdict, wanting to know what this man / leader had to say about her actions, she knew that she was guilty of the crime. Jesus responded with grace "Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more." Jesus forgave her, set her free from her past, and set her on a new path of change. Jesus' whole ministry in a nut shell is a fine balance of offering grace and giving people the truth.

Jesus wants more for our lives, but we have to take responsibility for thoughts, actions, desires and temptations. We will always be given forgiveness, but that doesn't mean that we can continue on in our sin and make the same mistakes over and over. God sent Jesus to the world to save His people from sin. Because of His love for us He wants to protect us from the damage sin causes in our lives.

There are two main topics that I really wanted to talk about in this chapter Conviction and Condemnation. Many many Christians (especially those who are new to Christianity) struggle with differentiating between the two.

Conviction: An internal voice of God gently calling us to a better life accessible through change.

Condemnation: An internal voice (a combination of the voices of others, our selves, and the devil) that breaks up down, strips away our worth and condemns us to fail over and over.

There are two versus that can really help us during these times of conflict where we might be struggling with conviction vs. condemnation.

John 3:17

Romans 8:1

Jesus offers us the freedom from condemnation, a change to break free of rut and have a new future. It's up to us to take the offer and through God receive the knowledge and help to move toward that future!

Namesake Week 5 Day 2: Writing in the Sand

Today's Scripture: John 8:6-11, Jeremiah 31:31-34

When we look at what Jesus was doing when the Women Caught in Adultery was brought before Him for judgement, we see that Jesus was bent down writing something in the dirt. I have heard this story before and the bible does not say what Jesus was writing but we know it was words. One of the ideas (the one I love the best) is that Jesus was writing the women's name. The men that brought the women forward was just a pawn to the undoing of Jesus, so if Jesus had written her name the men would have had a very hard time continuing to see her as an object. By writing her name Jesus was saying this women is more than her sin, more than her mistakes, She has a name.

One of the other ideas that I like is that Jesus was writing a message of love, forgiveness, mercy and grace. A message that would have brought comfort to the women who's fate lied in Jesus' hands. The message must have been important for there is only one other time that Jesus (through God) wrote something and that was the 10 commandments. God wants a relationship with us that is made of love not obligation to obey a set of rules. God writes this desire to be obeyed on our hearts and wants our desires to match His desires.

One aspect of this story is the bible never questions the women's guilt, but she is as guilty of breaking God's laws as the men who accused her. If you are free of sin cast the 1st stone. The men who brought her to trial had to then look into their own hearts and one by one walked away. God longs to write His love on our hearts and wants our obedience to be willing.

Jesus,

Help me to fall in love with you. Please help my actions to flow out of my heart and have this love be reflected in my outward obedience. Come and write Your words on my heart. Show me how to desire what you desire and how best to follow your will.

Amen

Namesake Week 4 Daniel Day 1: True to Our Roots

Today's Scripture: Daniel 1:1-21, Proverbs 22:6, Deuteronomy 11:18-21, Ephesians 6:4, and 2 Timothy 3:16-17

This chapter really could not have come at a better time. My husband and I have been struggling with our 14 year old daughter for the past 2 years. Her rebellious attitude, lack of respect, and getting into trouble has gotten worse and worse. This year (2014) has really been full of trials, anger, disappointment, and struggle. We feel like we are failing as parents! Did we not teach our oldest the things she needed to know / the things that we expect of her, when she was little, is it too late?

In this chapter we meet Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah - four boys who were taught from birth about their culture, beliefs, and their parents expectations of them. Even their names had such meaning that later they could fall back on the meaning for guidance.

Daniel: God is my Judge
Hananiah: Yahweh (God) is Gracious
Mishael: Who is like God?
Azariah: Yahweh (God) has helped

Each time that the boys hear their names they also hear the message that their names mean. As our children grow we share (teach) them about their family, their culture, their beliefs and responsibilities. Every time we sit down with our children or our children sit down with someone else they are learning and observing.

Here are some versus that talk about parenting children who will love God.

 Proverbs 22:6
 Deuteronomy 11:18-21
 Ephesians 6:4
 2 Timothy 3:16-17

I feel that I have done a great disservice to my oldest daughter. I had her 1 month before my 15th birthday, I was not ready to be a mom and I think that caused some of the issues we are having today. I was a child raising a child, I didn't know the things that she needed to learn - to be respectful, have great manners, love God, stay focused on school and stay away from people that are going to get you in trouble. I was learning these things myself, I didn't know that she was missing things along the way. She was influenced more from the outside world than from inside our home, how do I get all that back and get her back on track?

Please God give Chad and I your knowledge and patience to help Shay succeed and help us parent with more love, as you have loved us, and with less anger and frustration. Help Shay to take responsibility for her part and the things that she has done, stop blaming us for her bad choices. Help us please to be better parents and raise great girls who do great in life and love you.

Amen 

Namesake Week 3 Day 5: Revelation Kinsman-Redeemer

Today's Scripture: Ruth 2:19-20

In our society we start teaching our girls really young that they are princesses and need to wait for the hansom prince that will come and save them. Every Disney princess movie follows that plot, but where are the stories and movie about The One, God who is the ultimate savior. I never restricted either of my girls from watching princess movies or dreaming about romance that will come one day...BUT I am sharing more these days about how God is always there, he has our back and will always be there to save us from things threatening us.

Scripture that shows us where we need to place our hope: Isaiah 40:31 and Jeremiah 17:7-8

Friendships are also something that I'm trying to get my daughters (especially my oldest) to value. My oldest (a freshman in high school this year) is extremely boy crazy, she puts everything else including her school work and girlfriends on-hold for boys. I hate this, I know its normal but I really want her to get involved in school and get good grades and make strong friendships with girls in her class.

I want my girls to be independent and have bunches of close friendships, and trust in the lord. To rely on God to lead the way and help them. Ruth is a great example of a women working hard when she needs to, her close friendship with Naomi is a meaningful blessing to her life, a women not afraid to make her own fairy-tale. The story of Ruth should be a story that we tell our girls at night instead of sleeping beauty.

When Ruth set out in the fields to work she only had one thing in mind, providing for herself and Naomi. She didn't wait for a man on a white horse to come to her aid, she went out and worked hard. When Noami heard that Ruth and Boaz (the land owner) had met she told Ruth that Boaz could be a kinsman-redeemer based on Levirate law.


Kinsman-Redeemer: A man who would help out a family member in distress by "redeeming" them...responsible to redeem a relative who had fallen on hard times and needed rescue. And when a widow is involved this man can take the window as his wife.

Examples and definition of kinsman-redeemer Leviticus 25:25, Leviticus 25:47-49, and
Deuteronomy 25:5-10

A true gentleman would marry the widow of his closest male relative and give the shared inheritance with the children. Kinsman-redeemers are valued members of the family and also definitely instruments of God. God is the ultimate Kindsman-Redeemer, our rescuer and savior. Boaz is not the prince in Ruth's story, its God who works behind the scenes to be the real Kinsmand-Redeemer.

So lets kick Rapunzel out of the way and make room for the story of Ruth and truth that God is the only rescuer / hero we need!

Namesake Week 3 Day 3: Love in Action

Today's Scripture: Ruth 2:1-23, and Philippians 2:3-4

In this section of Ruth we are looking at the 2nd act of Naomi's story. When Ruth and Noami arrived in Bethlehem both women were dealing with loss. Naomi had become bitter and angry with God, which is a normal stage of grief. But at some point we have to move through the stages of grief and move on. As Naomi stayed in her grief Ruth began to change and move forward.

Ruth refused to stay wallowing in grief, her and Naomi's situation was serious and since they didn't have a male family member Ruth offered to go out and glean the fields - to gather the left overs the harvesters left behind. Ruth felt a calling to step outside her comfort zone and her own sad situation and go out into the fields.

Don't look out for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." Philippians 2:3-4

When we are struggling or hurting we should try to reach out and help someone else. It's a hard idea to think about helping or caring for someone else when we are in need ourselves. When we are seen reaching out and helping other's we might inspire someone to do the same. This is what Ruth did and "her goodness and hard work were noticed and rewarded."

When Boaz (the owner of the field) learned of Ruth her took notice of her hard work and determination. He had heard of how she had taken care of Naomi and never left her, Boaz decided to look after her and help her succeed. 

Ruth helped Naomi = Ruth gleaning in the fields = 

Boaz appreciating Ruth's work and care of Naomi = 

Boaz helping and protecting Ruth =

Naomi seeing Boaz helping Ruth and takes step to help Ruth later on

A circle of people helping people helping people, selfless acts of integrity, kindness and service.

Namesake Week 3 Day 1: The Bitter Truth

Today's Scripture: Ruth 1:1-14, Ruth 1:20-21, and Romans 8:35-39

The start of Naomi's story begins in Judah. Noami, her husband, and her two sons lived in happily in Moab until Elimelech died and left Noami with her two sons and their wives. Shortly after Elimelch's death Naomi's two sons also died.

Naomi lost everything that mattered to her in the whole world. She decided she was going to go back to her home in Bethlehem. Naomi told her daughters in law to go back to their homes and find new husbands. Grief-stricken, angry and alone Naomi returns to Bethlehem. She is immediately greeted and responds "Don't call me Naomi" "Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter." Ruth 1:20-21

Although Naomi was once very close to God, she blames God for her current state, alone, bitter, having nothing left. God is often the target for our anger and negative emotions. But God has heard it all and wants us to talk to him and empty out our hearts to Him even if the feelings are negative. God has heard it all before, so there is nothing we can say that will hurt him or make him turn away from us.


Even if we turn our backs on God, He will never turn away from us. God wants to be apart of our lives during the good and the bad times. A great exercise is to read Romans 8:35-39 and reword the verse by inserting your own experiences. God is bigger than anything that we could ever struggle with and there is NOTHING that can separate us from His love ♥

Namesake - Week 2: What name is Given This Child? Part 1 of 2

Good Morning I hope your weekends were great and filled with fun times. My husband and I went out of town for the night, a much needed little getaway. We stayed in a wonderful modern bed and breakfast in Sutter Creek, Ca The Hanford House Inn. Ate great food, went wine tasting and really enjoyed each other's company.

Today's Scripture: Genesis 25:19-26, Exodus 2:1-10, Exodus 3:10

This week we are exploring Jacob and how our name, the meaning, and the circumstance of our naming can have a positive and/or negative power over our lives and character.

We start by reading Genesis 25:19-26 and learn that Isaac's wife Rebekah becomes pregnant. During her pregnancy she learns that she is carrying twins, there are two nations competing in her womb "one will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger."
Rebekah is torn over this situation as she realizes that there will be fighting and animosity in the family, between these two children of hers. There will be anguish and in the end war over these two twins. Normally as we have read that there is more to a name than just what we are called. "Naming stories". When the two boys are born the older Esau is born covered in red hair and so they named him Esau "Hairy" and the younger boy is born holding onto the heel of Esau and so they names him Jacob "Holder of the heel" more importantly Jacobs name also means "to trip over or otherthrow, taker of what is not his". This negative meaning to Jacob's name ends up having a deep impact on Jacob's life.

There are often two purposes in our names: to mark the circumstance around our birth, and to describe a character trait or gift that the child can grow into. For Jacob the double meaning in his name was unintentional.

How do we live up to the dreams of our parents and God without living out the negative connotations that might also be associated with our name?

This is a very long chapter, so I am going to continue it tomorrow with the second half of how to live life with both the negative and positive power our names can have.

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 10

10. Let's Walk Together

We moms need to stick together. We cannot go through life alone, we need each other. God's whole design for us is that we join together and walk through life with others and not alone.

Many of us, I hope all of us have at least that one person, a best friend that they can call and talk to or visit with regularly. But we all have seasons in life where we will be alone. Whether it be life, or kids, or illness, or a move. I pray these seasons are short, and that we remember God is still there. In times like these God is more than likely molding you and working behind the scenes on our hearts, changing us in ways we will not release until we are on the other side. God has a plan for our hearts and we need to stop, smile, and remember all that He has & will provide for us. 

If you are in one of those lonely places - pray for a friends ask God to bring a friend into your life. Ask for bravery to step out of your comfort zone and meet other moms.

Important Note: Friends don't complete your life, only God can complete your life and make it whole. Friends are there to compliment you and add laughter o your life.

We need to come together as women, wife's and moms. Join hands and walk a lifetime together. Encourage, enrich, and inspire one another!

From my Journal,

I have shared before that after I had my youngest Cloe (who is now 3.5) that I was alone. None of my friends at the time had small children. After the 1st couple weeks no one wanted to slow down and spend time with a newborn. I felt ditched and excluded. Shortly after my little turned 1 I lost all my friends and was truly alone. For months I cried and felt betrayed and angry. But I kept busy and turned to God. I started attending church reading the word. He repaired alot of brokenness inside me, molded me and put my priorities back in the correct order. I AM BETTER BECAUSE OF THAT LONELY TIME.

The whole purpose of my blog is to share my life and my stories to with women, wife's, and mothers who are like me. To try to create a place where others can share their stories too, where they will be hugged and supported, NOT judged.  

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there I am among them." Matthew 18:20

I forgot, I am going to start reading Namesake by Jessica LaGrone on Monday the 28th. I think this is going to be a really good one. If you want to read along make sure to pick this one up and the companion book Six Keys to a Transformed Life.

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 9

9. When the World Presses In

I am not going to go very in depth on this chapter, since deep hurt and loss have not hit my life yet. I have had people close to me die, but I have not had anyone in my immediate family pass. I give my sincere condolences to those have.

During the hardest of times please remember that God does walk away from us we walk away from God, but all we have to do is turn around and He will be there waiting.

Her are some tips for preparing for and getting through when the world presses in on you.

1. Build your foundation now 

-Build your life on the rock and on the word of God. 

-Don't wait for tomorrow to give your life to God, build an intimate relationship with God.

-Build, Build, Build

-Find a church and surround yourself with people that have a strong relationship with God. 

-Find time everyday to pray and read the word

-Say "Yes" to God, commit to obey His word.

2. Try hard not to walk through life alone

-Meet your neighbors

-Join one of the groups at your church

-Stay close to your family

-Invest in relationships with others outside your household

3. Keep talking to God

-Tell God how you feel

-God is big enough to handle all our feelings, so let him have it all

4. Refuse to let go of hope

"There is life beyond the tragedy It's hard to see that or accept it when you're tight in the middle." - Tracey Hope for the Weary Mom

Tomorrow is the last chapter of this study so make sure to check in tomorrow for that and info on what I'm reading next.

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 7

7. Coming to the End of Yourself

How do I fight with all I have to love deeper, stronger, longer, and harder? Especially when I'm weary and have little left?

Am I on the right path? And leading my girls and husband down the right path?

These are questions I ask myself all the time, are you asking yourself similar questions?

Today I woke up in so much pain, from my back. I am always slow in the morning, I call it my granny time. I took my meds and got no relief. Its frustrating and makes me mad that I have these limitations. That when I have ten million things to do I am unable to do any of them.

Just like this chapter says I'm trudging and overwhelmed with the never-ending exhausting tasks of being a wife and mother, but then I also have the MS, injections, doctor appointments, and chronic back pain. My youngest has had a ear infection every month since April so she too has meds and follow up appointment, I see tubes in her ears in the near future. 

TIRED...that's how I feel all the time! I guess I'm coming to the end of myself and I'm having to face my sins and shortcomings.

It's important that we set aside come quiet time with God to admit our sins and shortcomings. To go to the alter, where we can empty our hearts mess out to God, where He can meet us and bless us with grace and joy. When we do this it invites the Lord to speak to us, show his unconditional love, support and He will always welcome us into his arms.

"Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus"

Worship is the greatest way to refuel.

"The joy dwelling place is found in the Lord."

From my journal,

Page 85 really spoke to me

"See the thing about worship is that it acknowledges in the very deepest part of our souls that we need Him. We can't take this journey on our own. We need the very presence of the Lord to strengthen and guide us. We need Him every hour...He wants to whisper into your heart that He loves you and will never let you go."

3. You can find an alter to kneel upon anywhere and at anytime. Make sure to make an appointment with God to kneel and meet Him.

4. Places I have met God (knelt at the alter):

Standing all alone in my living room

When I'm out on a motorcycle ride with my husband, I always feel free and joyous in times like these and pray prayers of thankfulness

In bed at time right before I fall asleep

In the car

5. My goal is to create a space in my home that is all mine where I can have a desk. A place I can sit in quiet conversation with God, and the space to do my devotions and blog work.

  

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 6

Chapter 6. When The Gentle Words Won't Come

"For whatever is in your heart determines what you say." - Matthew 12:34

I have talked about this before, that in times of high stress or when I'm struggling with something I do not have gentle words. I want to be gentle, but then I feel like my daughters and others will see me as a push over or that no one hears me. I often feel that I have to be curt and sometimes straight to the point or others will not believe that I'm saying or that I don't know what I'm talking about. 

Especially with my oldest I want her to have that faith in me, believing everything I say, like when she was little. When girls are young they look up to their mothers and have trust that everything they say is true and honest. No all my daughter does is question what I say and go out of her way to proof me wrong. I don't want this frustrated feeling that I have towards me daughter, I want to show her kindness, love, and give her my gentle words. I feel like I am failing my daughters, I feel like a failure as a mother and a wife.

The issues that I have with my oldest daughter stem from the fact that we close in age and are really alot alike. She has a wall built around her - she's prickly and I try to talk to her and be gentle, but then she makes fun of me. I'm at a loss - how do I fix this? I don't know what to do!

"We live through seasons of constant failure." - Hope for the Weary Mom

I want more control over what comes out of my mouth.

NO MORE HARSHNESS

NO MORE YELLING

NO MORE HURTFUL WORDS

There are several ways shared in the book that we can relax, find rest, and look for gentle beauty in the world. I liked the idea of taking beautiful pictures. Getting down close to small beautiful things, and sharing taking pictures with my girls. Go on a walk and take pictures of seemingly simple things that we can look at later and remember the moment it was taken.

One of the exercises that I chose to do was to make a list of things that I love about each of my girls.

Shay                                                                             Cloe

Her creativity                                                                Loving Nature

1st born                                                                        Inquisitiveness

Smart                                                                           Smart

Loves books, like I do                                                  Manners

Her beauty                                                                   Her Excitement

Free spirit                                                                     Her voice

Leader                                                                         Old Soul

Her drawings                                                                Our conversations

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 5

5. When you want to run and hide

There have been many days as a mother I have wanted to just hide, when the frustrations of the day seem to much and you just cant take any more. My oldest has really been pushing my husband and I to our breaking point lately. Rebelling against all our rules and beliefs coupled with her nasty attitude, make me want to either bang my head against the wall or simply stay hiding under me covers. My youngest is like nothing I have ever met in a 3.5 year old girl, she is more similar to a 3.5 year old boy. So much energy, she doesn't even know what to do with it all. I think she sucks it out of me!

God will often put us just where we wants us. Just like the story of Hagar - weary and worn God placed her where she would hear his voice. There is no place that we can hide from God, He knows our hearts and so knows all our hiding places. He looks intently for us, scans the world for us, to find us and show us His love and support. Its a secret game of hide and seek, one that God always wins.

Mary Magdalene and the burial of Jesus is another great example of God meeting us in our messiness. Mary went to prepare Jesus' body and there she fell broken in grief, She fell to her knees at the tomb. And it was then that Jesus spoke her name, met her in her mess. She clung to Jesus and believed in the miracle that running to him might create.

We need to cling to Jesus so that we too might have miracles performed in our lives. Hebrew 4:16 and the book of Esther are wonderful places to learn how we need to run to Him instead of running and hiding from Him.

"But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength." Isaiah 40:31

From my journal,

My favorite place to relax and get away for a little while is in my backyard. I lay out in the warm sun and daydream or read while Cloe plays in her little pool. Sometimes I just sit there and listen to her playing or laugh. Its peaceful!

Lately I go to the Lord in prayer more than I read my bible. I do love reading all the stories of advice and guidance, its comforting to know that its a place I can always turn to. And there is comfort in knowing that Jesus once lived a life filled with conflicts, frustrations, and discomfort just like my life. 

There is nothing I can't tell God for he has heard it all and knows the intentions of my heart.

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 4

Chapter 4. When Life Hurts To Much 

Whether its loss, pain, or struggles we all have times in life when life itself hurts to much. Sometimes when we hurt so much we close off our hearts due to the pain. "My heart is constantly waiting for the next sucker-punch of life." -Hope for the Weary Mom

The past few years have been filled with set backs, hard times, and disappointments. A kind of numbness settles in when bad things keep happening. You kind of stop feeling sad when the next bad thing hits. When we experience rough times, pain, or loss we need to turn towards God instead of turning away and closing off our hearts. But the best thing is He will always be waiting to welcome us back.

Mom's seem to feel life more deeply, we hurt when our kids hurt or are sick. We are often wounded by other women in our life's instead of being encouraged. We often feel alone as mothers and wives, or feel less when we compare ourselves to others. Life is hard for everyone, but we women are emotional creatures and life often sweeps our feet out from under us.

From my journal,

The recent hardships in my life - As you have read I was diagnosed with Relapsing and Remitting Multiple Sclerosis (RRMS) in May, I have been dealing with chronic lower back pain since 2010, my oldest daughter is having some trouble with drugs, alcohol and has become sexually active with no remorse or thought about the promise she made to save herself for marriage or obey our house rules, my youngest is a crazy active little spark that tries my limits everyday, and I wish my husband would be a stronger Christian and take the lead more often.

2. Since I reinvested myself in my faith I have really tried not to second guess God's plan, But there are times when I have to remind myself "God only gives us what we handle." Guided studies and books for christian women have really been my saving grace, plus I love sharing my thoughts here on the blog.

3. I closed off my heart and turned away from God shortly before having my oldest daughter (from shame). I just floated along through life, investing way to much into the life's of my friends. I think I was searching for that loving and supportive relationship that only God can provide. It took all my friends turning away from me to realize this, that I needed to reconnect and reinvest my time with God. 

5. God had a plan for us before we are even born. He is there to keep us on that path. To guide us down the right road. As mother's we need to lead our children down this road with us. Because of free will we sometimes take a side road, or get off at the wrong exit. But God is our map, always constant and willing to lead us. Sometimes those wrong turns give us the experience to handle something later. I think sometimes the struggle of control leads to things not going our way as a lesson / reminder that God is in control. We need to live life under God's plan not our own. 

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 2

2. Embracing Our Weakness

This chapter spoke straight to my heart and situation when we had our youngest. None of our friends had babies all their kids were 8 and over, so when I had Cloe I didn't have a girlfriend to talk to about being a new mom again (my girls are 10 years apart). I saw rather quickly how my friends didn't send me invitations hang at the lake go shopping. And I felt that my having a little one was a burden and I was alone. As she got older her energy level was through the roof and still is, a bit of a wild child. She was a toddler into everything within arms reach, even my best friend said she wasn't going to rearrange her house to accommodate a toddler that wasn't her own. Ouch right? So I started to withdraw BIG time, I didn't want to go anywhere because my house was all set up for your little one. Even now I still feel big time stress when going shopping or going to a new place with Cloe. This stress presents itself as embarrassment, anger, hateful feelings, and being really snappy and short with Cloe. 

This past Tuesday my husband and I plus Cloe and our real estate agent went and looked at 2 homes that are currently occupied. When we got home I was completely stressed to the max. I snapped and yelled at my little Cloe and my husband and it carried over into yesterday. I started an injectable medication for my MS and the stress of it all broke me. I felt alone! But this feeling is often a lie, a lie to keep us walled off from our loved ones and God. The key is to EMBRACE OUR WEAKNESS 

Brooke and Stacey write "It's OK to feel lost. It's OK to need help. It's OK to be weak."

2 Corinthians 12:9 & 10

" "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me." "For when I am, then I am strong" "

Its important to be honest about where you are in life, what your going through, who you are, and who you are not.

From my Journal,

Since my post above was rather long and I will share the answer to question  3 & 5.

3. Not being the mom I think I should be makes me feel sad, let down, frustrated, and incomplete. I want to be so much better, have more time, share, and talk more. My teenager makes me feel like I can never be what she needs. HELPLESSNESS

What are my weaknesses

1. Not enough patience (even my husband agreed with this one)

2. Quick to make a negative assessment

3. Jumping to conclusions

4. I get stressed out quickly and easily

5. I use harsh words and / or a harsh tone

Hope for the Weary Mom - Chapter 1

1. Why God Meets Us in Our Mess

Sometimes as mom's we tend to internalize everything, our feelings, our thoughts, our fears, our shortcomings, all of it. We end up with a really messy heart, sometimes just like our homes. I tend to be super controlling and a little OCD, so when my home gets messy I feel completely stressed and overwhelmed. I feel the same way when my heart gets messy, dizzy with feelings of sadness, anger, and fear. This is not a good way to live let alone be a mom to the ever watchful eyes of impressionable littles. 

The good news is God will always come meet us in our mess. He welcomes us into his comforting and loving arms with whispers of HOPE, GRACE, and begins to change us from the inside out. Hebrews 13:9 says "Your strength comes from God's grace..."

God is super willing to join us in the middle of our messes, but God savors an invitation into this place. 

"Fill it (my heart) with Your presence and begin working on the inside who you want me to be on the outside." - Hope for the Weary Mom

From my journal -

1. As I grow older I feel more overwhelmed wit my messes (both physical and in my heart / mind), they seem to grow overnight and when I wake up in the morning I'm more overwhelmed and unsure of where to start.

2. I envy other moms who have it all together. The whole look and manage to be at every game and every birthday party. Their house are spotless and they manage to get the whole family to church on time.

3. I think the changes that God makes in our hearts lead to changes in our circumstance. Once the inside mess is cleaned up it frees us to be better and THRIVE. Like the Casting Crowns song says

"We know we were made for so much more than ordinary lives

Its time for us to more than just survive
We were made to thrive"

I will skip question / answer number four as it pertains to the book itself.

5. I have gotten pretty good, especially lately, at hiding how tired I am. Their are nights when I am exhausted, but I still tidy up the house before I go to bed, and then wake up early to do the laundry before the heat of the day hits. I think a mom doesn't have the luxury of hiding under the covers or falling apart. My hope is that God would throw his arms around me and comfort me - wash my tiredness and pain away.

Renew Me

New study - Hope for the Weary Mom

I just stared reading Hope for the Weary Mom by Stacy Thacker and Brooke McGlothlin, and I love it! I am already on chapter three, but I think it might be a great book and subject to discuss here on the blog.

Can be found @ http://www.amazon.com/Hope-Weary-Mom

"Right now, I have nothing to give. Nothing. Nada. I’m tired and don’t feel good and honestly, I want a break from everything. It’s not that I want to leave my family, trade them in, or get new ones. I WANT to be with them. I just want a break from hard hearts, discipline, correction." This book is written by two mom's who are just like the rest of us, just trying to figure out how to be a great mom. "Stacey and Brooke understand the hearts and needs of moms today. They speak with a voice that’s encouraging, authentic and will draw in readers from many different seasons and stages of life that have one thing in common: they need hope." ~Holley Gerth, author of You're Already Amazing

At the end of each chapter there are 5 prompt questions that I am choosing to answer in my journal during my quiet time. This is not a book review type of post, I wanted to share my struggles as a mom with all of you, and hope that this will help put me on a less bumpy as a mom. Maybe by my opening up to what I;m going through I can be there for another mom who is going through the same thing. I really encourage you to follow along and interact through comments and emails to this series. 

A Whirlwind

The past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind of medical information, trying to purchase a house, feeling like crap / being in pain, kids getting into trouble and kids getting sick. Today I am nearing my wits end...I am exhausted and just don't feel good. And I don't want to deal with house offers, missing meds, and my youngest' nasty cough.

I really want to climb in the bath and then crawl into bed and stay there for the next few days. But there is no possible way that I can do that, the bath ok maybe. But I'm a mom and a wife I have things to get done and my family to take care of, I can't just check out. Today I'm just praying for my daughter to feel better and not have her third double ear infection in two months, and for my oldest who is making really bad choices and getting into trouble to have a new beginning. It's funny how when I feel like throwing in the towel my prayers are always for others to get better or be better. Maybe I need to turn my prayer attention to myself...

God -

Please hold my hand and keep me in your comforting arms. Help through feeling bad and through the pain. Speak to my heart on buying a house. Help me to stay strong in body and spirit through dealing with RRMS. Thank you for keeping my family safe and for the many blessing we receive. Without your love and guidance we would be wondering in the dark.

Please help Shay away from the friends that are leading her astray. Help her make good choices and be the bright happy kid she should be. Please give her a crossroads and guide her down a path where she wont have regrets and heartache. Remind her of your love and that her family loves her, we only want great things for her.

Amen

MS Update

I feel really bad about not posting on a regular basis and not having a current devotion / study going. But with Dr. appointments and trying to do all the research I can on MS and medications, I just haven't had the time to sit with my bible and then with my blog.

I went to the Dr. on Tuesday and went with a long list of questions. My doctor was great he answered each question and explained everything. I have Relapsing and Remitting MS (RRMS) this is the best to have compared to Progressive MS. The thing that worries me the most is my doctor said that I have a well established case, meaning I have alot of lesions (also called plaques) which are areas of scare tissue. I have them from my brain down my spinal column to the T10 - T11 area (mid back).

"Treatment needs to be started NOW." thats what my doctor said. He is worried that if I don't start treatment it would be detrimental. And starting now will slow the disease and my symptoms....balance issues, memory / brain fog, tingling and burning from the waist down, itching, etc.

After talking about 8 different medications we decided that we would start with the medication that has the longest / best track record and has the least amount of side effects (this can differ greatly from patient to patient) Copaxone. It has to be injected 3 times a week and it is a pre-loaded pen similar to an Epipen. I wont start the injects for about 2 weeks, they have to be mailed to me and then a nurse has to come out and show me how to inject.

The thing I am worried about the most is the possible side effects, fatigue, nausea, body aches, and weight gain. I am a stay at home mom to a VERY active 3.5 year old daughter and with my limitations from my back injury (an impingement and herniation in my low back) I need to be at my best all the time. I need to go to the gym and do what I can do to stay in shape (ha in shape, well going to the gym and doing my limited workout so that I can try to keep losing weight and trying to get in shape). I don't want to be sick and stuck in bed, having to rely on my family and friends to take care of my kids and my house, etc.

I guess I have to take my husbands advise to stop worrying, we will deal with it as it comes. I have to remember to give it to God, stop trying to handle it all alone for He is the one who controls the situation. I pray each day that He will continue to hold my hand and keep me in his loving arms through this whole thing. God would not have put where I am if there was not a purpose!

Today is the Day

Today is the day that I meet with my Neurologist to discuss and finalize the start of my MS (multiple sclerosis) treatment. I have to be 100% honest I am struggling today. My husband keeps telling me not to stress that we will deal with it as it comes, one day at a time. But I'm scared of what treatment might bring, sickness, fatigue, and the inability to be me...a mom, a wife, a sister, a friend and in-charge of my household.

I am so emotional and stressed. I found this website / webpage and it reminded me that sitting in worry is not what I should be doing right now, there is someone that I should be turning to for comfort, God.

http://godsgracefulness.com

The moment I feel afraid or overwhelmed, I reach for His hand. I go directly to Him and pray.  It wasn’t always this easy. I used to just sit and worry. I would worry so much that I’d forget to pray and read the Word.

Many times we get overwhelmed with life and forget how big our God is!  God is always there to comfort us and reminding us we need to seek Him at all times in the good and bad.

Four things I’d like for us to keep in mind when feeling afraid, faithless, or overwhelmed:

1. God will comfort us: Remember your word to your servant, in which you have made me hope. This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your promisegives me life.  -Psalm 119:51

2. God wants us to rejoice in Hope and in His promises: Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. -Romans 12:12

3. Remain in His peace: I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. -John 16:33

4. Keep the faith and fight the good fight: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. -2Tim. 4:7

I'm not done, I have so much more to share

I wanted all my readers and followers to know that I have not abandoned my blog, I have so much to share. I am trying to figure out my MS diagnosis, 2nd opinion, treatment, etc. With all of this medical / insurance stuff I have to take some time off from blogging. I will be back next week with a new bible study series and an update on my condition and hopefully treatment.

Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.